This may seem odd, knowing that I wrote this to you so long ago – and perhaps the opinions may seem antiquated to you, in this the age of Moore’s Law, progressive thinking, and news clips delivered in seconds. But this letter is something you should read, understand, and hold close to your hearts. While I’m sure each of you will blossom into an individual, this particular letter is to both of you, my daughters, and hopefully you will be of an age (past the childish bickering of siblings) and a place in your life where you can share this with each other. Excuse the meandering mind of your Father, as I’m sure you’ve already become accustomed to doing, and I thank you for allowing me yet more time to lecture.
Unlike you, I grew up poor. Not poor as in I couldn’t get brand names or that new gadget poor. That isn’t poor my children, that’s unlucky. Poor is not having running water, electricity, clothing, food when you need it, and friends to help you through. Do not pity the people who are poor however, pity those who through no fault of their own, must remain in that state. Pity the mentally ill, the maimed veteran, the handicapped, and the criminal who cannot return to society – although his will be strong and his mind and deeds strong.
Growing up poor does not equate to a poor life. It just means you have to strive harder to get a better life, and once there, work harder to stay. Many of life’s lessons are learned through experience. Hopefully while reading this, you’re nodding your head and remembering the lessons you learned concerning finances, obligation, responsibility, and duty to your family, friends, and country. All of those things are important to your future and to your family’s future. While growing up I was never taught how to trust, to love, to hold dear – those things were second to the necessities, and often found no place in my schedule. What I did learn though, and what I hope I have already imparted in you to some degree, is how to learn.
Learning is essential. Never stop, never feel satisfied with the last bit of knowledge you obtained. Read all the time. If you aren’t reading, write. If you aren’t writing, build. If you aren’t building, create! In all of these things, you learn. One must learn to do, and to do successfully one is forced to improve. The only way to improve is to learn. The circle closes itself with one small out. A dangerous out that lingers and nags, slowly grabbing at your shoe laces, hoping you’ll look down to notice it. That out is laziness.
Laziness, in life, love, work, family, yourself – will lead to a certain and undeniable death. Not death in the sense that your heart will stop beating, your lungs stop breathing – nothing so easy to escape. Death in that your life will have become meaningless. Your children will learn nothing from you, your friends will gain nothing from you, and your life will stumble and fall into a hole of complacency. This said, being content in ones life is not what I am against. I don’t wish for you to constantly be in upheaval, forcing yourself to change careers day after day, week after week, lives ruined because of change! No, children, I’m asking that you improve yourself – learn so that you do not fail yourself – and in some small measure, me -- in the process of living.
Live a moral life. What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is your affair and is your business, and your partners business, alone. What you do in the streets, the walkways, and the public spaces effects everyone and should be scrutinized with the most intense honesty available. Are you kind to others? Do you ask questions politely? When driving, do you cut people off, take their parking spaces, and ignore others while taking the right-of-way? These are the stepping stones of civility. Without civility, we become base, servile to debauchery with no hope of escaping. Earn respect, do not demand it – and when it isn’t given after you’ve earned it, don’t demand it louder. Humble yourself. Not at the expense of being yourself, but do not be more than you are, or ever more than someone else is. You are the most valuable creatures on the earth to me, but remember that others have Fathers to. Others have daughters. Others have Mothers. Do not take away their place on the pedestal with arrogance on your behalf. Stay true to your partners. Stay true to your faith, if you choose to believe, until a point comes where you decide otherwise. If your faith is true, then throw yourself into it and love it. To love it, to live it, will give you eternal peace of mind where disgracing it will force you to wallow in guilt and obsess over regret.
Now I must remind you to be strong for yourself. Never give an inch to a person who would take it from you with force. Be strong for your family, fighting for what is right for them and yourself. So many today fall into the trap of relativism. Not everything is equal and not everything is as worthy of being considered. But those decisions, on what to weigh and what weight to give them – are yours. This letter is to just to remind you. If you feel something is wrong for your family, learn about it. In learning, you may come to ‘understand’ more about the issue, understanding and acceptance are two different things. You can understand a rapist without accepting him. You can tolerate those that would worship another God, without accepting that their God is the correct one. You can tolerate a person’s profession without accepting that it is what you view as correct.
In this country, we have a great divide of opinion. The Left, the Right, the far Left, the far Right, Independents, Libertarians, Socialists, Communists, Fascists, and the Green Party to name a few, all hold some slice of the political spectrum. This is the new religion of today. If you feel caught up in it – learn. Learn about the views you purport to support. If you don’t agree with them, stop supporting that group. If you agree with them but a few are ‘iffy’ then try and get the party to change. If that doesn’t happen, move on. Change your views only when YOU decide to do so. Don’t get caught up in trendy rhetoric. Get to the bottom of the story, have a critical mind that sniffs out spin and propaganda. Now, this may surprise you when I say it, but respect the people on the other side of that divide. Respect them so much that it pisses you off. Your Father fought for their ability to hold their opinions as much as I fought for you to hold yours. They don’t have to be right, but they damn well have the right to have them. In America, we are separated by so many things, race, class, religion, political bent, hair color, shoe size, clothing taste, job – but we’re bound together by a bond that transcends that. A membership to a group that is created by a subtle yet invasive mooring of spirit binds us – we’re still the pioneers of the world. Every day our country does something never done before, and if we’re not doing it today, we’re planning it for tomorrow. Never begrudge yourself your position in life. Someone worked very hard for you to have the opportunity you have now. Someone toiled long hours, under harsh circumstances, while barely making it by – so you can read this letter.
This small missive can’t possibly convey all that I believe is important in life. But it brings the spirit of who I hope you are or if you are not, who you will become, to the surface. Examine it please. Take a few minutes of introspective thought, and touch upon the soul of who you’ve become. Beautiful people often hide their grace for fear of it being ridiculed. I’d rather be shamed and beautiful, than ugly and decadent.
I’ll leave with you the immortal words of Robert Herrick, the title may not fit any longer (much to my graying dismay!), but the intent does linger so near the truth as to be indistinguishable. And my girls, like you, it is both beautiful and has found a special place in my heart in which to dwell.
TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.
Lovingly,
Your father
